Helping Kids Cope with Big Emotions After Trauma
Emotional dysregulation happens when a child or teen struggles to manage their feelings in ways that fit the situation. All kids get upset at times, but when a child is emotionally dysregulated, their reactions may feel bigger, stronger, or last longer than expected. For example, not getting the crayon they want might turn into a full meltdown. Occasional tantrums can be normal for younger children still learning how to manage emotions. However, children who have experienced trauma often find it especially hard to regulate their feelings because of the ongoing stress their bodies and brains carry from the abuse. Once upset, it can be very difficult for them to calm down.
It’s important to remember that this doesn’t mean your child is “bad” or “overreacting” on purpose. Their brain and body may still be in a state of hypervigilance, making it harder to handle strong emotions. Changes in family life, existing mental health challenges, or developmental differences can also add to these difficulties.
As a parent or caregiver, the most helpful thing you can do is to stay calm, provide reassurance, and give your child tools to recognize and manage their feelings. With consistent support and practice, kids can build resilience and learn healthier ways to regulate their emotions over time.
How Parents Can Help
Nurture vs. Correction: Avoid jumping straight to punishment. Children who often get in trouble feel unsafe, which will keep the trauma response activated. Reminding children that they are safe, loved, and supported after abuse is critical.
Co-regulation: Kids take their cues from adults. Your steady presence and calm reassurance can help a kid quickly feel in control again. By taking slow deep breaths, speaking softly and acknowledging big feelings, your child can start to borrow your calmness until they can find theirs.
Build a Coping Skills Toolkit: Teaching children simple calming strategies—like taking deep breaths, sitting quietly in nature, or doing gentle stretches—can help them manage big emotions in healthy ways. Practicing these tools together not only reduces stress in the moment but also builds long-term resilience. Free resources such as guided videos on YouTube make it easy for families to learn and use these coping skills at home.
Catch the Positives: Intentionally look for moments when children are doing well with regulation and give them praise! Offering specific praise helps them feel encouraged, builds confidence, and increases their awareness of how they are regulating themselves.
Self-Care: Parenting children and teens who have experienced trauma is challenging, and it’s important to care for yourself along the way. Paying attention to your own feelings and taking regular breaks—whether that’s going for a walk in nature, connecting with a friend, or engaging in something creative—can help you recharge. When you practice self-care, you’re better prepared for stressful parenting moments and can model calmness for your child, showing them what healthy regulation looks like.
Step by Step: Healing Is Gradual, Not Instant
There’s no “cheat code” or quick fix for helping a child heal after trauma. Every child’s journey is unique and depends on their individual needs. Some children may benefit from trauma-focused therapy, especially if they are also experiencing mental health challenges such as depression or anxiety.
If you are unsure what your child needs, you don’t have to figure it out alone. The Children’s Advocacy Center can help assess your child’s situation and guide you toward the resources and supports that make the most sense for your family. Healing takes time, but with the right support, children can move forward and build resilience.